Why Boredom Might Be the Skill Our Kids Need the Most

Why Aren’t We Letting Kids Be Bored?

You can see the reel in question here, but the premise is this:

• I identified a problem: not only are kids NOT allowed to be bored, they’re not even experiencing the real world.
• I was sad parents would let their kids miss out on the experience of rhythm and music appreciation.
• I suggested perhaps that we should teach kids real skills and keep them in the real world and on screens far less.

It breaks my heart to see that so many parents fully accept that their child can check out of the world with their screens. It’s become normalized, and I’m against it.

To be honest, I was surprised that people didn’t come out with fists swinging even harder. Many agreed and are equally dismayed to see how many families are relying on screens–apparently, even at theme parks, shared Ginny of 1000 Hours Outside!!

Why I’m Holding My Ground …

I knew the moms of neurodivergent kids would have something to say. My kid is overstimulated. My kid can’t handle those concerts. My kid needs the screen. This is the only way my family can attend, if I give my kid this or that.

I was correct in that prediction, and other voices added varying dissent:

• Why are you worrying about other parents’ choices? Stop being so judgy and raise your own kids!
• You’re just shaming other moms who are doing their best. “Go sell your crazy elsewhere.”
• How ironic that you’re spending the whole concert on your phone filming other people’s kids. Creepy.

However, I’m going to hold my ground. The research is clear and becoming more and more compelling.

Screens cannot be an escape for any of our kids, particularly neurodivergent brains. It does not build them up. It does not give them skills. It does not help them work on executive functioning. Listen to my interview with Mike McLeod for some of this research and advice!

Can we use them as a temporary crutch? Yes.

Should we keep a goal for all of our kids to live real experiences and get their noses out of frivolous, mind-melting screens? This is a hill I’m willing to die on.

Listen, I don’t want to judge individual parenting. I’m not here to create shame for anyone.

Raising the Bar for All Kids

However.

We have to look at society and childhood as a whole. If we can’t identify where we are making mistakes, we can’t fix them.

And if we just lower the bar for everyone because some kids are struggling, it’s not going to serve society or our kids’ generation. We simply have to raise the bar.

I want to help support parents in worthy goals, like:

• my child will learn to be bored
• my child deserves to experience music
• my child deserves to experience real-life communication with humans, face to face
• my child needs to learn to fail and yes, even to be uncomfortable

Are there individuals with special, particular needs? Absolutely.

Do I think we should never, ever touch a screen in public? No.

However, I also think that we ought not normalize all kids checking out of life and entering a true screen-based childhood, even when the world is literally rocking and rolling around them.

We need to be able to look at the culture, including statistics on mental health, loneliness, and screen addiction, and say, “This isn’t working for our kids.”

The Conversation Our Kids Deserve

I care about other people’s parenting because I believe it takes a village, and these are the peers my kids will grow up with, marry, and run the world with. So I will talk about others’ parenting as a symptom of our culture.

We don’t need to make others feel guilty, but we do need to set a bar somewhere. In order to do that we have to say that certain actions ought to be below the bar.

Imagine if parents gave their kids cigarettes or a beer so that they could calm down. People would have words and thoughts to share, don’t you think?

My prayer is that someday a child escaping into a tablet in a social situation feels just that icky.

The screens have taken over our world without intention. Jonathan Haidt, author of The Anxious Generation, often points that out. He says we allowed our children to participate in social media in particular without predicting where it might take them. Now we are more aware, and we must hold back technology from our kids, lest history repeat itself with another generation.

This change starts with conversation, both positive and negative.

Yes, parents of kids with special struggles (neurodivergent or otherwise) deserve a place at the table. I want other parents to understand that some kids may truly need accommodations that others do not.

That said, those kids can’t have the only place at the table. They’re still the minority. We need to keep a place at the table for the conversation of what’s best for all our kids and how we can re-normalize a play-based childhood, boredom, and discomfort.

Even having to listen to your big brother’s fifth-grade class sing for a full half-hour.

What Could This Look Like Instead?

I’d love to encourage you to think about this in two ways:

1. How can we prepare our kids for a concert experience?
2. How can we be prepared to help them if they are feeling unengaged or bored during the concert?

Especially for little ones, it’s important to go over expectations before you arrive!

• Talk to them about the expectations of people attending a concert or event: sitting down, listening quietly, not talking above a whisper.
• Explain that this is for the benefit of the performers, so they aren’t distracted, and for the other audience members, so we don’t inhibit others’ enjoyment of the music (or dance, show, even movie!).

Then you can think about steps to take yourself to be prepared.

First, I’d suggest not getting there too early – or at least not making them sit down too much before the performance starts. I used to let my kids run the lobby until the last possible moment when they were tiny.

This minimizes the time they need to be still. I’ve found also that kids may be less wiggly sitting on your lap or laying against Mom’s chest during the show.

Consider some analog distractions – coloring or drawing, a silent fidget toy, or even an Etch-a-Sketch. I’d encourage my kids to draw how the music makes them feel, or maybe a picture of the performers.

You can make a plan for if you really need an “out” – preferably without bringing in screens. Could you go walk around outside for a few minutes? Maybe tempt a child with a (quiet!!) snack if permitted in the venue?

Can we build up parents who are making choices that are difficult in the moment for the long-term goal of well-functioning humans who interact with others without screens and can manage life, even if it’s boring?

I know it felt like I was tearing parents down in that reel, but sometimes one has to point out the ugly to find the beautiful. Many many parents and professionals commented on the post in support of leaving the screens at home. It’s a movement I’m 100% here for, and I’ll be cheering on those parents in as many ways as I can.

Next time I’ll look for a few children sitting quietly and listening and post my applause for them as they build their muscle of resilience!

You’re welcome to leave comments on that reel or this post. I can’t promise that I’ll answer, because unlike an AI, I don’t have unlimited time. 😉

But I will definitely try, because I think this is a conversation worth having as parents in a culture where we want to support our children. ALL our children.