What should you do when your child is overwhelmed, melting down, refusing to cooperate, or acting like they cannot handle something you know they can do?

In part two of this conversation, Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge explains how parents can help kids build a more regulated nervous system before, during, and after stressful moments. She shares why parents should regulate first, connect second, and correct only after a child is calm enough to think and learn. Here’s part one if you missed it. 

You’ll also learn why constantly rescuing kids from discomfort can prevent them from building stress tolerance, how to support a child without immediately fixing the problem, and why small daily regulation practices can make a big difference over time.

Dr. Roseann shares a simple 4-7-8 breathing practice parents can use throughout the day to lower stress and build greater nervous system capacity! This is just one of at least 5 solid techniques Dr. Ro shares with us, things you can implement right away at home. 

Don’t forget to check out Dr. Roseann’s new book, The Dysregulated Child.

We want to actually point out what they did correctly in a stressful situation.

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Key Takeaways about Nervous System Regulation

  • All kids become dysregulated sometimes, but frequent, intense, or long-lasting dysregulation may be a sign that a family needs additional support.
  • The best time to work on regulation is before a crisis happens. Regular connection, sensory activities, breathing exercises, movement, and time away from devices can help empty the “stress cup.” Here’s my post about taking care of your nervous system as an adult.
  • Parents should regulate first, connect with their child second, and correct or teach only after the child is calm enough to think and learn.

I don’t believe devices are the devil, but they are absolutely part of this dysregulation crisis. – Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge

  • A child can know the rules and still be unable to follow them when overwhelmed, because a dysregulated nervous system shifts into survival mode instead of problem-solving mode.
  • Parents can help by becoming a calm presence instead of immediately lecturing, fixing, or solving the problem.
  • Kids need opportunities to experience manageable discomfort and stress so they can learn that they are capable of getting through hard things – just like I talked about two weeks ago with Dr. Kathryn Hecht.

We want to actually point out what they did correctly in stressful situations. – Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge

  • Parents can build confidence by noticing what a child did well during a hard moment instead of focusing only on what went wrong.
  • Nervous system regulation gets stronger with repetition, just like building a muscle, and small practices throughout the day can gradually increase a person’s capacity for stress.

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Action Steps from This Episode

  • Practice a calming technique with your child during peaceful moments so it is familiar when stress rises.
  • Create regular times when the family powers down devices and spends time connecting, moving, cooking, or doing something together.
  • Pause and regulate yourself before approaching an upset child, even if you need 30 seconds or a few minutes before responding.
  • Wait until your child has calmed down before discussing behavior, consequences, or what could be done differently next time.

Americans are all or nothing. That’s not the real way the real world works. – Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge

  • Notice and name something your child did successfully during a difficult moment, such as taking a breath, sticking with a hard task, or recovering after becoming upset.
  • Practice 4-7-8 breathing three times during the day by inhaling for four counts, holding for seven, and exhaling for eight, repeating the cycle three times each time you practice.

No matter what life throws at our kids, we need them to be resilient.

This free download will give you some practical and actionable steps to improve brain health and resilience.

 

Resources We Mention for Helping Your Dysregulated Child

Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge
Dr. Roseann

Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge is a leading expert in emotional and behavioral dysregulation with 30+ years of experience helping families move from chaos to calm. She specializes in nervous system dysregulation, the root cause of issues like ADHD, anxiety, OCD, mood disorders, and PANS/PANDAS.

As the creator of Regulation First Parenting® and the CALMS Dysregulation Protocol®, author of the upcoming book The Dysregulated Kid, and host of a top 1% podcast, Dysregulated Kids, Dr. Roseann provides science-backed tools to help parents support their child’s brain and behavior. Featured in The New York Times, Forbes, and Parents Magazine, she empowers families to regulate first—so real healing can begin.