Let’s talk toddlers.
They scream at the banana that broke in half. They insist on doing everything themselves…until they melt down and demand help. And they can go from sunshine to thunderstorm in the time it takes you to sip your coffee. Cold.
If you’ve ever thought, “What on earth is happening in that tiny human’s brain?”—this episode is for you.
I sat down with Devon Kuntzman, toddler coach extraordinaire, to peel back the layers of those wild early years and help us reframe toddlerhood. Spoiler alert: your toddler’s not misbehaving just to push your buttons. They’re trying to communicate – and sometimes, they only speak tantrum.
This is the episode I wish I had when my kids were that age (but felt like some of the same things apply to older kids and teens too!).
Devon brings not only expert insight but a whole lot of empathy to the toddler trenches. Together, we unpacked the mystery of toddler behavior and replaced frustration with understanding (well…most of the time).
Here’s a taste of what we explored:
- Why “all behavior is communication” might be the most important parenting mantra you’ll ever adopt
- What really happens when you distract your toddler—and how to do it well
- The surprising power dynamic at play in your home (hint: it’s not what you think)
- How setting boundaries doesn’t stifle toddlers; it sets them free
- What it looks like to parent through a lens of development, not discipline
- Why your toddler’s big feelings are not your job to fix
- The secret sauce for turning chaos into connection (and it might just be curiosity)
Devon helped me see toddlerhood not as a survival zone, but a golden window to build trust, independence, and yes – life skills. And if we get it right, this season can be magical.
You’ll leave this episode feeling a little more confident, a little less alone, and with a few new tools to navigate your toddler’s big emotions (and your own).
Devon’s book Transforming Toddlerhood releases on October 21st, and she has some great pre-order bonuses on her site if you want to put in your order before then! Shop for it here on Amazon or Bookshop.org.
Find all the episodes of the Healthy Parenting Handbook here, or wherever you get your podcasts:
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No time for the video? Here are the notes!
Time Stamps for Understanding Toddler Behavior
1:09 – Do you know about our one-page takeaways from each episode? You can find out how to see them right here.
1:49 – Meet Devon Kuntzman, the original toddler parenting coach with over a million followers. Find out why she believes toddlerhood is one of the most misunderstood and magical stages of childhood.
3:21 – Devon calls toddlerhood a “magical developmental period.” Find out why she wants parents to love it in the moment, not just in hindsight.
3:41 – The surprising path from world-traveling nanny to toddler coach. Devon shares what she learned from high-profile families all over the world.
Decoding Toddler Behavior for Parents
4:10 – “All behavior is communication.” How that one realization changed her entire approach to discipline and connection. Dr. Tina Payne Bryson also hit on this a couple episodes ago talking about tantrums!
5:58 – Hear what changed when Devon became a mom herself—and why empathy hits differently when the crying is coming from your own child.
Turn expert advice into a handbook you can actually use.
I’ve interviewed hundreds of incredible experts on the Healthy Parenting Handbook podcast! Out of time to listen? You can skim on your phone!
These one-page summaries give you the highlights of every episode fast, so you can find what you need when you need it (and nothing to download).
8:15 – Are toddlers really “not listening,” or are they just doing their job? Devon breaks down why toddlers are wired to test boundaries, not follow directions.
Toddlers are not wired to listen. They are wired to exert their will, to experiment, to explore. – Devon Kuntzman
Myths and Misconceptions about Toddlers
9:55 – The shocking myth about sharing, impulse control, and toddler logic. Spoiler: they’re not capable of either yet.
11:18 – Why parents underestimate toddlers’ physical abilities but overestimate their emotional ones. It all comes down to brain development. (You know I loved this! It’s so important to teach young children to cook and do other life skills.)
12:26 – Want a five-year-old who helps around the house? The secret is starting at age one. Devon explains why toddler “helping” is the foundation of independence.
14:13 – A true story that proves toddlers rise to expectations, if you let them. I share the tale of twin toddlers who threw tantrums when they weren’t allowed to help.
What Is Transforming Toddlerhood?
14:41 – What “transforming toddlerhood” actually means. It’s not just clever branding; it’s a whole mindset shift for parents.
15:16 – Devon calls toddlerhood a critical time for brain development—and yes, she still loves it even on meltdown days.
16:30 – How to “decode” toddler behavior and read the message beneath the tantrum. Hint: it’s never just random acting out.
18:22 – Why hitting and biting often start as science experiments, not rebellion, and how parents can track patterns to solve the mystery.
20:39 – The ultimate toddler contradiction: wanting independence but still needing total care. Learn why that constant tug-of-war causes big emotions.
Boundaries and Choices for Toddlers
22:18 – How to meet your child’s needs within your boundaries. Devon shares a genius way to redirect toddlers without saying “no” all day long.
23:41 – The power of “two safe choices.” Why giving toddlers tiny decisions actually strengthens your authority, not weakens it.
Kids don’t need plastic knives. They need real skills.
Teach safe technique, focus, and confidence in the all-time fav lesson from our kids cooking class! (ages 2-12)
25:07 – The truth bomb every parent needs to hear: “It’s not our job to make our children happy.” Learn what to do instead.
It’s not our job to make our children happy. We actually cannot control someone else’s feelings and emotions. – Devon Kuntzman
26:00 – Why setting a limit isn’t the end of the job. Devon shows how toddlers need you to follow through physically, not just verbally.
27:30 – The fine line between distraction and avoidance. When to use distraction to help your child move forward and when it creates bad habits.
When Toddlers Have Too Much or Too Little Power
29:16 – What happens when toddlers have too much power? Devon’s “Jurassic Park” analogy will make you rethink your approach to boundaries (and maybe giggle a bit).
31:03 – How the two extremes—permissive pushover and controlling commander—both fail kids. Devon’s “recipe for discipline” hits the balance in the middle.
32:44 – What skills toddlers really need to learn, and how everyday moments like sharing, taking turns, and repairing after conflict build lifelong social tools. Elizabeth Sautter showed us we can teach social and emotional learning at the dinner table, too.
34:10 – Referee vs. coach: the parenting analogy that changes everything about sibling conflict.
Joy and Play in Toddlerhood
35:48 – The joyful side of toddlerhood. Devon shares why toddlers are natural teachers of presence, wonder, and unconditional love.
36:59 – Why unstructured play and nature are the real curriculum of early childhood.
Play is truly the work and the language of the first five years of life. – Devon Kuntzman
37:24 – How to build independence one small skill at a time—without overwhelming your child or yourself.
39:03 – Why we often do too much for kids out of love and efficiency. Devon explains why slowing down is an act of parenting courage.
40:39 – The surprising truth about toddler attention spans—and how to keep them engaged longer.
Toddlers in the Kitchen
41:38 – Devon’s three-year-old loves pouring and mixing but refuses to crack eggs. Hear how she navigates sensory sensitivities in the kitchen.
42:47 – From picky eating to sensory issues, how Devon’s feeding journey reminds all parents to say, “We’re just not there yet.” (LOVE LOVE LOVE! If you’re having some similar issues, join the free No More Picky Eating Challenge for my 5-step plan on overcoming picky eating challenges.)
43:59 – The “big questions” toddlers ask about life, death, and difference and why parents don’t need to answer them right away.
44:48 – Devon’s best advice for those tough questions: pause, breathe, and let curiosity replace panic.
“I just want my kids to eat what I make!”
This free 5-day challenge was made for you.
Spend just 30 minutes a day learning practical strategies that reduce mealtime battles and help kids build confidence with food.
46:24 – The most hopeful message of all: you’re not guilty, you’re just human. Learn why perfection isn’t the goal … connection is.
47:43 – Devon’s parting words and book details. Transforming Toddlerhood will change how you see not only your toddler, but yourself. It’s a parenting book written in bite-size chapters you can actually finish!! Devon designed it for exhausted parents on the go.
Resources We Mention for Understanding Toddler Behavior
- Find Devon’s book Transforming Toddlerhood on Amazon or Bookshop.org
- Grab the one-page “cheat sheets” for each podcast episode of the Healthy Parenting Handbook
- Diagnosing the Root Cause of Meltdowns & How to Calm Tantrums with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson
- Why Teaching Children to Cook Before Age 5 is Vital for Parenting
- The Top 5 Reasons for Toddler Tantrums
- Teaching Social and Emotional Learning Skills During Mealtimes
- Join the No More Picky Eating Challenge for free!
- Connect with Devon on her website Transforming Toddlerhood or on social: Instagram, Facebook
Devon Kuntzman is a powerhouse in modern parenting and is on a mission to dispel the myth that toddlerhood is a “terrible” stage.
Known as the original toddler parenting coach on Instagram and trusted by over 1 million parents and caregivers worldwide, she is dedicated to changing the narrative around toddlerhood.
Through her Transforming Toddlerhood, she’s built a vibrant and close-knit community of parents and offers a lifeline of science-based, easy to implement tools, from courses to workshops and an annual conference, to navigate tantrums, power struggles, and emotional development with confidence and joy.
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