Kids think school is checking the boxes, they don't value learning. -Dr. Jeannine Jannot

Why are smart kids disintegrating?

What can parents do to help their kids get through the high expectations without losing their self-esteem and sense of self? (Spoiler: This isn’t just parenting advice for those of us with older kids – the right habits start young!)

Dr. Jannot is a psychologist, college professor, author, and mother—I’ll be implementing some of the practical tips from this interview immediately at the Kimball household, and I know you’ll benefit greatly as well. We talked about:

  • What’s changed in the definition of success in the last 40 years, and how it’s affecting our kids
  • How schools could help (but often aren’t) and who we really need to listen to on this subject
  • Early signs that you might have a student who is disintegrating, and what they really need from their parents
  • But also how parents often try to help that backfires!
  • Setting up a supportive family culture (even while acknowledging what the rest of the world is looking for)
  • Some really practical tips about virtual schooling, homeschool habits, sleep and REmaking the bed
  • Why it’s important to make mistakes, let our kids see them, and invite them to share their own mistakes

I’m so grateful for the learning I get to do through these Healthy Parenting Connector interviews, and I can’t wait to hear what you learn (or are reminded of) through Dr. Jannot’s expertise.

Can’t see the video? Watch The Disintegrated Student here on YouTube!

No time for the video? Here are the notes!

  • 0:33: Dr. Jannot wrote a book called The Disintegrating Student. Today we’re talking about how to help our kiddos who are struggling with the pressures of school.
  • 1:36: Dr. Jannot shares her story with us and how she started her coaching business The Balanced Student.

What Is a Disintegrating Student?

  • 4:13: What does it mean to be a disintegrating student? The typical disintegrating student is a high achiever and does well in their early school years, but hits a point where they can’t compensate just by being bright and they start to fall apart because they don’t have the life skills to deal with their circumstances.

Disintegrating students have a gradual fraying of their existence as a student. -Dr. Jeannine Jannot

  • 6:04: We didn’t see this phenomenon 30 years ago. We’ve developed an achievement culture that focuses on data: getting good grades, SAT scores, and checking off AP classes and extracurriculars.

We've eroded kids' enjoyment of learning, curiosity, and creativity. -Dr. Jeannine Jannot

  • 8:42: When we push high achievement it encourages cheating and doesn’t teach kids to value learning. (Note this interview was recorded in early 2022 during the 2021-2022 school year.)
  • 12:26: Many schools are trying to help these kids out. Social-Emotional Learning programs are becoming more prevalent. The big fix would be to have some change from the bottom up from the teachers who are working with these kids day in and day out. Why we need to teach critical thinking to kids.

If social-emotional learning is applied as a band-aid, it’s not going to take them very far. -Jeannine Jannot

  • 15:00: It’s hard to go against the flow of achievement culture because it’s so pervasive. You can acknowledge that and create a different culture in your own family. Dr. Jannot gives some great examples.

Acknowledge achievement culture with your kids—but define success in YOUR family in your own way. -Dr. Jeannine Jannot

How to Help Your Disintegrating Student

  • 16:37: One of the first signs of a disintegrating student is that their grades become inconsistent and they stop handing in assignments. If you think this is your child, please listen in here for Dr. Jannot’s advice for talking to your child about this!
  • 19:26: It’s very common for kids to think their parents will be disappointed in them if they don’t perform to certain standards. Try saying “It’s nice to see you!” when your child comes home from school before talking about academics. Kids take on our anxiety about school.

Kids don’t need plastic knives. They need real skills.

Teach safe technique, focus, and confidence in the all-time fav lesson from our kids cooking class! (ages 2-12)






Or find out more about the free knife class here.

  • 22:10: Dr. Jannot has 7 categories of tools and skills for disintegrating students: organization, time management, stress, study habits, sleep, mindset, and screens.

When our kids are disintegrating it’s not because they’re not smart anymore. They have skill deficits. -Dr. Jeannine Jannot

  • 22:26: Dr. Jannot shares about her tool “remake the bed.”
  • 26:14: Getting a good dose of morning light can help get your kids out of the groggy morning feeling.
  • 26:57: Adults and kids shouldn’t be using screens in bed or before falling asleep. One of the best ways to get your kids on board with something is for you to do it first.
  • 27:49: We’re so well-intentioned as parents, but sometimes we just don’t know how we can help our kids. Dr. Jannot gives some tips for parents combating achievement culture.  The benefits of letting kids fail.

We worry about our kids so much that we over-help and problem-solve FOR our kids…but it tells them they can’t handle it. -Dr. Jeannine Jannot

Kids really want to be heard, not for us to solve their problems. -Dr. Jeannine Jannot

Teaching kids to cook says I trust you, I respect you and I’m delighted to watch you grow and learn. -Dr. Jeannine Jannot

What If You Have Younger Kids?

  • 33:20: Let’s talk about younger kids. What can we do preventatively? Normalize mistakes, prioritize relationships and help your kids develop a growth mindset.

Prioritize your relationship over academics. Listen more, problem solve for your kids less. -Dr. Jeannine Jannot

  • 37:30: We leave you with a message of hope. You are not struggling alone! Note from future Katie: I’d encourage you to listen to the interviews with Jessica Joelle Alexander about Danish parenting here and here. She talks about their school ideals and it was so refreshing! 

What our kids really need for resilience is to have at least one adult who loves them unconditionally. -Dr. Jeannine Jannot

Resources We Mention for Going Against Achievement Mindset

Jeannine Jannot Dr. Jeannine Jannot is an academic coach and the author of The Disintegrating Student: Struggling But Smart, Falling Apart, and How To Turn It Around. She has over 25 years of experience working with children, teens, and young adults in both public and private school settings.

Jeannine has a master’s degree in school psychology from The Ohio State University and a doctorate in child and developmental psychology from the University of Connecticut. She began teaching college psychology courses in 2010, and in 2014 she founded The Balanced Student.

Originally from Ohio, Jeannine lives in Milton, Georgia with her husband, Tom. They have three children, Ryan, Maddie, and Kat. You can learn more about her at JeannineJannot.com.

Why our smart kids are struggling in school