170: How to Be the Boss of Anxiety with Noel Foy

I feel it, you feel it, our kids feel it…anxiety is real and is ballooning more and more in our lives lately, so what is a loving parent to do?

Author and educational consultant Noel Foy is here today to tell us some of the do’s (and don’ts!) to help our kids with anxiety:

• DON’T dismiss the worry
• DON’T expect that with work, you/your child will never feel anxiety
• DO learn strategies, taught proactively, like the ones Noel teaches in this interview!
• DO learn about the brain and how it works (or doesn’t work) under anxiety AND teach your kids
• DO change your language about worry-inducing situations (Noel shared an awesome, easy-to-implement example!)
• DON’T try to protect and rescue, since that doesn’t allow our kids to build skills other than “running away from hard things works”
• DO feel hope that all anxiety is surmountable and skills are trainable, even for our kids with other challenges like ADHD

I personally love learning about the brain and love practical strategies even more, and I know you’ll benefit as a parent from this interview!!

Can’t see the video? Watch Be the Boss of Anxiety here on YouTube!

No time for the video? Here are the notes!

Be the Boss of Anxiety

• 0:50: I’m here today on the Healthy Parenting Connector with Noel Foy to talk about anxiety. 
• 1:45: Noel shares how she came to focus on the brain and anxiety. Here are my posts on treatment for a concussion and rehabilitation after a concussion.

• 3:50: When your brain is stressed, your executive function skills go offline. I’ve read that kids lose 10% of their memory potential when they’re stressed. How many kids are stressed in school or while taking tests, and it’s hampering their memory?
• 6:18: Other interviewees have said kids need more boredom these days to allow freedom for creativity, but Noel listed that as a common stressor. She explains the difference between beneficial boredom of unstructured time and stressful boredom of lack of relevance in the classroom. 

ADHD and Anxiety in Kids

• 9:06: How does anxiety affect kids with ADHD specifically? School is generally more stressful for these kids. Here are more practical strategies for ADHD.

School is more stressful for kids with ADHD…and anxiety works against their brains. -Noel Foy 

• 10:10: Anxiety usually starts with a trigger. It activated the amygdala in the brain and we start experiencing all the physical symptoms of anxiety like sweaty palms, headaches/stomachaches, etc, and triggers a fight, flight, or freeze response. 

Anxiety makes us forget. Even if we have strategies to combat anxiety in place, we forget in the moment. -Noel Foy

• 13:30: When kids have ADHD they’re missing the “how.” How to get started, how to settle down, etc. 

Common Anxiety Misunderstandings

• 14:55: We talk about some common misunderstandings about anxiety. Noel sees many parents of anxious children protecting and rescuing their kids which doesn’t give the child the opportunity to build the skills they need to face their worries. 
• 18:30: How can we change our language around anxiety to recognize that not all anxiety is bad? Noel has a great smoke detector analogy to show the benefits of anxiety. 

Anxiety is designed to protect us. -Noel Foy

• 20:45: How can we help our kids manage anxiety? Let’s understand how anxiety and ADHD work and how we can use them to our advantage.
• 23:48: Anxiety loves drama. Notice how you’re talking about things. Validate and acknowledge your child’s stress and anxious feelings, but don’t catastrophize with them. Noel has some practical examples.
• 26:04: F.A.I.L. stands for First Attempts In Learning. Create a culture of expecting mistakes and that it takes time and multiple tries to learn new things. 

Anxiety Resets for Kids

• 27:25: Noel shares some breathing resets you can practice with kids. 

• 28:50: Some other resets could be taking a walk, doing pushups, dialing into your physical senses, counting colors, getting a cup of water, or the ABC strategy from Noel’s book. 
• 32:50: Don’t try to teach these strategies when your child is highly stressed and anxious. Teach them in a calm moment and practice and role play with them. As a parent, you can also model these strategies to your kids and let them know you’re experiencing anxiety and that you need a reset.
• 37:53: Don’t invalidate your kid’s anxiety by saying this like “Don’t worry about it.” or “You’re worried about that?”

• 38:30: If untreated, anxiety often morphs into depression, so don’t brush it under the rug. You can help your kids manage anxiety!
• 39:14: We talk about some long-term strategies to lessen anxiety in our kids. Teach them how the brain works, help them identify warning signs of anxiety, and teach them skills to deal with challenges. Here’s Ned the Neuron Noel mentions. 
• 42:24: We leave you with a message of hope for parents of anxious kids. 

Resources We Mention for Managing Anxiety 

• Noel’s Books: ABC Worry Free, Are You a Bird Like Me?
• Here are our posts on treatment for a concussion and rehabilitation after a concussion
• Some of my other interviews on anxiety:
  • Strategies for Teens with Anxiety
  • Strategies to Relieve Anxiety as a Family
  • Helping Children Manage Anxiety 
  • The Link Between Anxiety and Attention Issues
• Noel noted that it is now recommended that all children should be screened for anxiety
• Find Noel online
• Follow her on social media: Facebook, Instagram

Noel is a mom, anxiety coach, neuroeducational consultant, and author of Are You a Bird Like Me? and ABC Worry Free, a Mom’s Choice Award recipient. She is a former classroom teacher and learning specialist who now specializes in workshops and one-on-one coaching for schools, families, and organizations on anxiety, stress management, executive function, and growth mindset. Her passion is to equip kids and adults with practical problem-solving tools to decrease stress, promote healthy change and maximize one’s unique potential.