Do You Have “Earn It” or “Flip Flop” Family Values?

A hard work ethic and moderate risk taking are two qualities I hope to instill in my kids.

We end up practicing both through our hiking and national park touring—during July 2022, we’ll likely hit 150 miles as a family (with four kids ages 7, 10, 14, and 17). Out on the trail, if there’s ever a moment my 7-year-old extrovert isn’t talking, it gives me time to think. 

An experience in a very popular “tourist park” got me thinking about connections to life and parenting. 

Two Days, Four Waterfalls, and a Comparison

On our first day in Yellowstone National Park, we took two hikes, about four or five miles each, both ending at a waterfall.

On the second one, the kids took off their shoes and picked their way over slippery river rocks up about 40 yards to the base of the double waterfall. They gauged the power of the water to decide if they could get underneath or not; one of them was a yes, and one felt too strong.

Observe that they are learning how to take risks within reason, and we trusted them to make those decisions – our oldest two are 17 and 14. If they’re going to have cell phones and car keys, we need to let them practice gauging risk on their own.

We had worked hard climbing some elevation to get to this waterfall, and it felt really good to let the kids explore and get wet!

On day two in Yellowstone, we took an eight-mile hike that passed viewpoints for the two very large waterfalls in what’s called the Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone.

The Lower Falls are actually taller than Niagara Falls—these were not waterfalls one could climb into!

What made this hike very different is that it was basically parking lot to parking lot. In other words, at each of the viewpoints, we mingled with folks who had just driven to the parking lot, gotten out, and gone down or up a few flights of stairs to see the falls.

There they were in their flip flops holding their disposable Starbucks cups, enjoying the same sights we had worked much harder to see.

At one point, seven-year-old Gabe turned to me and said, “Mom, some people just drive to see these waterfalls, don’t they?”

“Yep, buddy, they do,” I said.

“But our family does the hard hikes, right?” he said. “I think that’s better. It means we are really tough.”

I told him that yes, I agreed. I think it’s better to work hard to get the big reward.

I missed an opportunity to remind him that we never judge on appearances, unfortunately. I should have explained that some people can’t do the hiking we’re doing, either because of special needs, physical limitations or elderly status, or like my own mom, because of a disease like ALS, which is progressively stealing all the physical abilities she has. 

Some folks feel extremely blessed to be able to make it from the parking lot to the viewpoint, and it’s a beautiful world we live in that allows them to experience nature in impactful ways, too. 

And sometimes a family just doesn’t have the time to do what we do – both in the world of hiking and in many other aspects of life. You never know what cards another person has been dealt. 

It’s not about our family being better than others, just that all of us SHOULD want to work hard within our abilities. 

Why Work Hard to Earn Something?

Why? First of all, we also get to know the twists and bends of the river, enjoy many views of the canyon, and more opportunities to see wildlife. Second, we appreciate what we see and the power of nature even more because of our participation and hard effort.

It really is an analogy for life.

Do you want your kids to be the “set a big goal, work long and hard, and feel accomplished” kind of person, or the flip flops and Starbucks “drive to the destination and get it over with quickly” kind of person?

There will always be both in the world.

But I firmly believe that a hard work ethic with cautious risk taking is the way to be more successful and feel more satisfied in life.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love a good flip flop as well.

But in my book, you can work hard at your goals like we do as entrepreneurs, and then take that beach vacation where you earn your flip flop time.

Comparison, Feeling Proud, and Being Individuals

And was it wrong for Gabe to compare our family to others and feel a sense of pride in what we had accomplished? Some may say yes, but I don’t think so.

If your kid publishes a book someday, I absolutely think you should tell them how many hundreds of thousands of people have book ideas, how many thousands begin those books, and the tiny percentage who actually finish that goal and then are also successful in getting a publisher. They should be proud of that work!

If your kid becomes an executive chef at a major restaurant, you should compliment them effusively, and they should feel a huge sense of pride in putting in the hard work to accomplish a big goal.

And hey, even tomorrow, if your kid makes lunch or dinner for themselves, they should absolutely look around and realize that they are among the elite—that most kids don’t have the skills or (aren’t given permission to explore) in the kitchen in that way.

It’s good to meet a big goal; it’s good to raise the bar higher than your peer cohort group. And it’s great to put in the hard work.

Let’s raise hiking boot kids instead of flip flop kids.

And remember:

This essay is actually NOT about hiking, and it’s not about footwear. Moms of special needs kids are working much harder in their flip flops (or their symbolic “flip flops”) both physically and mentally than on an 8-mile hike. 

Let’s focus on whatever hiking boots and flip flops signify in your life. 

It could be about writing a book…or writing a first paragraph as a second grader. 

It could be about cooking unbelievable food and being top in one’s field…or measuring a teaspoon of salt as a 4-year-old. 

It’s about whatever YOUR child needs to do to set a big goal within his or her abilities, work hard, and feel accomplished. 

“Flip flop” values have nothing to do with what’s on your feet, and everything to do with what’s in your head and your vision for the future.

And “hiking boot” values are my encouragement (and challenge) to you to demonstrate through the good, hard (long!) work of intentional parenting that putting in the effort is well worth it, even if—especially if—if takes a long time to get the reward, and even if other families choose to take the easy way out and lower their standards. 

If You Want to Talk About Footwear…

If you’re curious what sort of shoes I’ve been wearing for these 150 miles, I brought only minimalist shoes: these Earth Runners, these Xero water shoes, and these Xero hiking boots. They’re treating me well!