138: Writing Your Food History to Help Your Children Thrive with Sue DeCaro

Parenting is hard, and sometimes we need someone to remind us to give ourselves grace.

Sue DeCaro is that person for me today, and her practical wisdom about intentional parenting came just at the right time. If you’re a little weary, if you feel like you have a “struggle” kid, if you need some encouragement, then this one’s for you.

Sue and I dig into:

• The impact our own past has on our parenting, especially when it comes to food
• How to be conscious and aware in an effort to make choices that will serve our family best
• The importance of respecting what our children bring to the table and not trying to control them (spoiler alert: you can’t control others anyway!)
• How we can talk to our kids about food allergies and special diets without creating a restrictive mindset around food
• Why we need to focus less on academics and more on life skills (and the impact that has on kids’ confidence)

• The power of connection and practical ways to achieve it
• Why Sue doesn’t recommend that parents create rules for tech use (and what to do instead)
• How to mimic a commute home from work even when your office is two feet from your kitchen, and why you’d want to do that

So many gems in this interview for all of us who want to be intentional parents but don’t always get it right!

Be sure to do the action Sue recommends at the end of the interview…like, literally, right now, pull out your planner or calendar and make it happen! I’m doing it right now too. 😉

Can’t see the video? Get Tips for Intentional Parenting here on YouTube!

No time for the video? Here are the notes!

Explore Your Food History with Intentional Parent

• 0:16: Today we’re talking with Sue DeCaro about feeding our kids in the big picture of parenting.
• 2:20: Sue shares how she became a coach and started educating on parenting. 

Our kids are our next generation: we need to do a good job for them. -Sue DeCaro

• 4:00: Sue had a psychology degree and felt like she still couldn’t figure out her own child when her oldest daughter was young. She shares the key that led to her breakthrough. 

Do you forget everything immediately? (My hand is raised …)

That’s why we created the one-page summaries of each podcast episode, in a simple Google Doc so there’s nothing to download.

Print them off and make yourself an actual handbook or just view online and search for what you want!

GET THE CHEAT SHEETS NOW

• 5:38: Stress comes when something is out of our control. If we see a “difficult” child as something out of our control, how stressful will that be? Flip it around to  “how can I improve myself?” and you’re more in control of the situation. 

How to be an Intentional Parent

• 6:09: I use the phrase “intentional parents” all the time. Sue shares her philosophy on intentional or conscious parenting. The first aspect of conscious parenting is to examine your past and how it impacts your parenting. 

• 7:48: The second aspect of being a conscious parent is to look at the child in front of you and see who they are and how they thrive, not how you want them to thrive. 

Intentionally Approaching Food

• 9:13: How does childhood conditioning play into food, nutrition, and cooking? This is huge! Mental programming around food is so easy to take into adulthood and continue on the same cycle with your kids.
• 11:54: Let’s get into some practical examples of how this plays out. Your words are important, but it’s hard to change overnight. As you’re shifting your language around food, remember, there’s always a way to repair when you’ve made a mistake. (Here’s our dessert strategy I mentioned.)

• 15:32: I know many of you deal with food allergies in your family or are doing a temporary healing diet. It’s all well and good to say that you shouldn’t be overly restrictive until you have to restrict certain foods for health reasons. We talk about some ways to talk about food when there are allergies or restrictions in the picture. More about the prevalence of dairy allergies here.
• 19:03: Picky eating is another big struggle for many of you. Sue shares her perspective on parenting through picky eating. Check out our free knife safety lesson if you’re nervous about kids and knives. 

Honor your values by not bringing in food you don’t want in your house. Bring in food that aligns with your value system. -Sue DeCaro

• 22:59: Sue’s approach to picky eating boils down to: respect your child, normalize the foods you value, focus on senses rather than emotions, and explore food.
• 23:35: Many parents worry about danger in the kitchen, mistakes, and being slowed down by their kids. Now is the time to teach your kids the life skill of cooking and now is the time to connect with your kids in the kitchen. Here’s my interview with Julie Lythcott-Haims I mentioned and here’s a video of my kids making dinner on their own.

Technology Strategies for Parents

• 28:22: Let’s switch gears a bit. Technology was a newer parenting issue before the pandemic, now with Zoom school, it’s at a whole new level. Sue shares her top three tech strategies. 
• 29:32: Intentionality is huge. Be aware of what you want your family’s normal to be around technology and be consistent with that. 
• 29:57: Work with your children and have a conversation rather than dictating rules. 

If you want your children to have more of a buy-in, collaborate with them. Children want to be seen, heard, and valued. -Sue DeCaro

• 31:00: Lastly, give yourself a break, this is a tough time for everyone. Allow yourself some extra leeway. Be intentional, but accept what is. Here are more of my thoughts on tech time. 

Learning as an Intentional Parent

• 31:53: I recently started tracking my time every day. I share some of the results that blew my mind!
• 33:50: See mistakes as a learning opportunity. Parenting is hard enough, don’t beat yourself up. Set intentions and course-correct as you learn. 
• 35:05: We always leave you with a practical step you can accomplish today. Sue shares a great tip for parents to help you connect with your kids and reduce stress at the end of the day.

Resources We Mention for Intentional Parenting

• Our family’s dessert strategy
• Why you might want to avoid dairy and how to do it
• Start here with our free knife skills video
• Julie Lythcott-Haims on raising successful adults
• It’s true, my kids make dinner on their own!
• Tech time rules for teens
• Connect with Sue online
• Follow her on social media: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube

Sue DeCaro is a heart-centered coach, educator, motivational speaker, and writer, working with individuals, corporations, and families around the globe to navigate life’s daily challenges.

While integrating education, consciousness, and coaching, Sue helps individuals to feel empowered, grow and thrive. Her passion is to help people deeply connect to themselves, to their children, and of course, to the world around them, creating a brighter future.

Sue also serves as a member of the Wellness Council for the Unionville-Chadds Ford School District, focused on researching and identifying best practices related to improving student health. She served as a Guest Parent Specialist/Coach for Mindvalley University Training and an esteemed member on the 24-hour virtual help desk support team for Mindvalley.com’s month-long summer event in Pula, Croatia, 2019.

Sue has had writings featured in various online publications and magazines. She has presented at events featuring Dr. Shefali Tsabary, Neale Donald Walsch, Marianne Williamson, Anita Moorjani, and John O’Sullivan. Sue has been an invited guest on radio shows and podcasts and has also appeared on Television, on The Dr. Nandi Show as well as a number of appearances on FOX 29, Good Day Philadelphia.