I asked a question last week and got 125 answers!
No, it wasn’t, “What are you eating for dinner?”
It was: “Why do you say you hate cooking?”
Struck a nerve for sure…and I realized I was totally wrong when I guessed what people might say.
Will you be surprised too?
Will you see a little (or a lot) of yourself in the answers?
I tackle a lot of possible solutions, changing some mindsets, adjusting some family routines, teaching people new skills…but is it enough?
I’d love this to be a conversation and look forward to hearing what you think!
My Husband Rings in on the Complexity of Cooking a Meal
After I recorded this, I was talking to my husband about the question I had asked. Now that he has made one to two meals a week for the last few years, he immediately let forth a diatribe of reasons that prove cooking dinner is really hard!
He pretty much walked through the entire process—from choosing the meal to grocery shopping to the time it takes—linked together, they form a chain that can really drag you down. In fact, that week, he had spent more than half an hour trying to choose a recipe, then realized that we didn’t have the meat he needed, and it took the wind out of his sails so much that he couldn’t even get back to the task for another half a day!
In spite of that, he also mused about my responses to those who struggled with enjoying cooking, and he came up with a few really good ones of his own.
He reported that when he finishes a meal that both has a lot of steps and turns out well, and especially when it’s one the family enjoys, he feels a great sense of pride and accomplishment. He likened it to doing a home improvement project—he really dislikes the process most of the time, especially if things go wrong, but once you get something created or fixed or in some way off your list, it just feels so darn good.
So I have to add “sense of accomplishment” to the list of reasons we can learn to love cooking. Generally, that means you should be following a real recipe, not just pouring something out of a box onto a cookie sheet, you know? It’s the act of creation that generates the feeling of achievement.
That’s not to downplay the fact that the process can be really difficult. Again, just this week, my husband was in the attic trying to get some wires through the ceiling and into the master bedroom. He drilled a hole, and when he went back down into the bedroom, there was no hole there. Later, our 8-year-old came downstairs and said, “Dad, can I show you something in my room?”
There was the lost hole! He hit the wrong room entirely!
My husband turned to me and said, “Dear, please don’t ever let me do any home improvement projects again, ever!”
So we get it: when things go wrong, it can really drag you down.
However, a few days later when the embarrassment had subsided, my husband did finish the project and will be spackling the hole soon too. In the end, the accomplishment still felt positive.
He also talked about making Dad’s Hamburger Helper with our 8-year-old, Gabe, and the incredible memories they are building. Because Gabe has such a positive association with this particular recipe, as “the one he and Dad make together,” he’s always willing to help cook and takes such pride in the finished meal. It’s hard to replicate that quality time without putting in a little work.
The work is worth it!
We both remembered that while cooking, just like when doing family chores, it’s great to put on fun music to increase the positive associations with the task.
And finally, he agreed with me that planning is everything.
He’s never had to cook every meal day in and day out, but he theorized that perhaps simplifying by creating a two-week meal plan that gets reused over and over, or even a reusable 4-week meal plan, would be brilliant. It takes a lot of mental work out of planning, and most families wouldn’t complain at all about seeing a dish once or twice a month, every month.
That’s my engineer husband putting his brain on the task for you!
And here’s the video:
Can’t see the video? Watch What to Do When You Hate Cooking? here on YouTube!
No time for the video? Here are the notes!
What to Do When You Hate Cooking
- 0:07: I recently had a conversation with a holistic health coach who asked if I could speak to the issue of people who want to eat more healthy, real food meals, but hate cooking. How can they infuse more joy in the process and/or get it done easier and faster?
- 1:26: I asked my Facebook followers what they hate about cooking and got so many more responses than I expected!
- 2:38: The other day I was working with my 12 and 7-year-old cleaning in their room. My 12-year-old said, “Oh this is going to feel so good when it’s done!” He said he didn’t really like cleaning, but he could see the joy at the end. If my 7th grader can identify this, then how can we as adults use this “end in mind” mentality to help encourage them to cook real food?
Why Do You Hate Cooking?
- 4:56: I have several categories of reasons why people said they hated cooking and number one is the time it takes and that it feels like a chore or obligation.
- 5:40: Cleaning up was another big roadblock for many people. Those who work outside the home and do most of the cooking and food prep in the evening especially said they’re just so tired by the end of the day and then it’s just another huge task.
- 6:36: Let’s address the cleaning issue right now. You need a family team mentality. Since my husband and I got married our strategy has been that whoever cooks doesn’t have to clean up. We still do that to this day, and now our kids help with the cooking and cleaning up.
- 7:54: The most common answer I got from my readers was that it’s an executive function issue. They lack the concentration to complete a meal and make a plan. Kids are distracting so they can either parent well or cook, but not both at the same time.
- 8:45: If planning is an issue there are several meal planning services that could really take that load off your plate. Real Plans, Don’t Waste the Crumbs Meal Planning Bootcamp, Frugal Real Food Meal Plans, and Prep Dish are some great options.
- 9:39: Meal prep kits where they even send you the food are more expensive, but for some it’s worth it to have a few meals where you don’t need to do anything but assemble it. See our review of SunBasket here.
- 10:37: Can you do the planning when you’re not distracted? Choose your meals for the following day after the kid’s bedtime, get out supplies, and ingredients, and visualize how the meals will come together the next day so that you don’t have to think as much when you’re actually making the meal.
- 11:55: It’s the end of our growing season here so it’s the last chance to get fresh tomatoes and peppers. I was making a big batch of fresh salsa last week while multi-tasking. I got it all done, but I know that it took me longer because I was distracted.
- 13:57: Work in bursts. Get all the ingredients out, and line them up in order undistracted, then let your kids talk for a minute while you chop veggies, then have them stop while you read the next section of the recipe, and then let them talk again. That way you can progress more smoothly through your recipe but still give your kids some of your attention.
Make Cooking Work for You
- 14:27: Some people just don’t get into cooking for personality reasons. Maybe you’re really logical and not into the creative side of cooking. Bring those strengths into the kitchen. Set up connected meal plans where you use the same ingredient multiple times to minimize waste, tackle your grocery budget, figure out which foods are “worth” making homemade and which you can get from the store, or systematize processes.
How can you make cooking work for YOU and YOUR brain? -Katie Kimabll
- 17:00: Many people are simply burned out. They have been cooking three meals a day, every day for years. They may enjoy cooking certain things or used to enjoy it more, but they’re just tired. This is especially true for people with allergies or restrictive diets where they cannot use any compromise foods from the store or order takeout on occasion to get a break.
Kids don’t need plastic knives. They need real skills.
Teach safe technique, focus, and confidence in the all-time fav lesson from our kids cooking class! (ages 2-12)
- 18:00: I think there’s a mindset shift that can happen here. If you view cooking as a drudgery and a means to an end then of course you’ll never like it! Can you start shifting your mindset to “It is an honor and a calling to nourish my family well! It is a gift I can give them to cook for them with love.” Food builds your family culture as well as your body.
- 21:16: If figuring out what to cook every day is hard and feels chaotic, nail down your meal planning game. Here are several different meal planning methods you can try out to find what’s best for you or take a look at one of the meal planning services I linked to above.
- 23:09: Some people don’t like cooking because they think they aren’t a good cook, they’re bored, or feel like everything is mediocre. Maybe you need to infuse some creativity. Try new recipes, experiment with new flavors and styles, learn new things, and make your plate look nice.
Make Cooking a Team Effort
- 25:06: I got many responses from moms saying that their family complains or doesn’t appreciate what they make. Picky eater kids who refuse to eat what they’ve made have worn them down and it doesn’t feel worth it.
- 25:48: You need to pull in your family! It is harder to change routines and get your spouse more involved or teach your kids to help and cook, but it is so worth it in the end!
- 26:33: Create an attitude of gratitude. Who doesn’t feel a boost of motivation when others are grateful for their efforts? Set an example and encourage your kids to thank others regularly.
“I just want my kids to eat what I make!”
This free 5-day challenge was made for you.
Spend just 30 minutes a day learning practical strategies that reduce mealtime battles and help kids build confidence with food.
- 27:10: I work with lots of parents of picky eaters and teach the Division of Responsibility developed by Ellyn Satter. Our responsibility as adults is to decide what is served, when the meal takes place, and where food is served. The child’s responsibility is to decide what to eat (choosing from what you served) and how much to eat.
- 28:41: I share a story from Chaya, one of our P.E.P. Club members. Get on the wait list for our next No More Picky Eating Challenge here.
- 29:40: Many people don’t like cooking because they lack the skills to make it enjoyable. They don’t enjoy what they cook, have anxiety about wasting produce, recipes take longer than they expect, and things turn out under or overcooked.
- 30:30: Use resources you already have so that you aren’t buying one-off ingredients and then worrying about wasting the rest. Marcia said she’s found several online resources that show different ways to cook ingredients she already has in her pantry and cooking is more enjoyable now! Don’t bother with recipes that have ingredients you don’t have or use regularly.
Choose recipes that fit what you have. -Katie Kimball
- 31:32: If you don’t like how your cooking tastes, look up restaurant copycat recipes if you like the taste of restaurant food and wish you could eat out more. Ask friends for their favorite recipes if you have enjoyed their cooking. Try cooking things with different methods. Roasted or air-fried sweet potato fries are totally different from baked sweet potatoes with butter and cinnamon.
Simplify Your Meals and Cooking Routines
- 32:28: Save time by simplifying your cooking and doing one-pot meals. Big pots of soup make for lots of leftovers. Recipes with 5 ingredients or less that you can memorize are good time savers.
- 33:11: Figure out what convenience foods will fit within your budget and food philosophy and enjoy those easier meals.
- 33:34: Double your recipe and use leftovers or freeze some for an easy meal. Use dinner leftovers for school lunches and pack them while you’re cleaning up from dinner to save time in the morning.
- 34:08: I like to reuse dishes when possible. If I peel a cucumber, I rinse off the peeler and put it straight in the drying rack. If I make popcorn, I can make soup tomorrow in the same pot that just has a bit of butter residue.
- 34:31: About half my site at Kitchen Stewardship is time and money-saving tips or real food recipes, so I encourage you to check that out.
- 34:048: Unravel for yourself what makes you dislike cooking. What is the root issue and how can you problem-solve that? Get your family involved so you aren’t tackling this alone. At this point in my life, I have three tweens/teens and a husband who each cooks one dinner a week, that’s 4 nights I don’t have to cook! Start now teaching your kids to cook and you can reap the benefits!
Resources I Mention for Loving Cooking
- Meal planning resources:
- Our family’s review of SunBasket meal kits
- Division of Responsibility developed by Ellyn Satter
- Get on the wait list for our next No More Picky Eating Challenge here
- About half my site at Kitchen Stewardship is time and money-saving tips or real food recipes, so I encourage you to check that out
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