We will ALL encounter tough situations and hard times in our lives. We will ALL cope with them in some way. But sometimes coping looks like throwing a chair or eat a whole box of cookies.
Licensed Mental Health Counselor Janine Halloran joins us today to talk about the kind of coping that is safe and healthy and HOW we can teach those skills to our kids (while also modeling them ourselves).
In this super practical conversation, you’ll learn:
- What kinds of coping skills most kids prefer
- How and when to intentionally introduce coping skills to kids (and why our gut reaction is usually wrong)
- Kid-friendly deep breathing techniques that don’t come off as corny
- How we can help our kids (and, ahem, ourselves) USE the safe and healthy coping skills in the heated moments instead of the tantrums
- What it means to be the thermostat, not the thermometer…
- How food can help kids build mindfulness, yay!
- The FIRST, easiest, most practical step you can take TODAY to build these skills in your family
Truly, parents, this interview is full of golden moments. Take time to listen to it all, and some parts twice!!!
The Family Resilience Speaker Series runs from March 31-April 4, 2025. You’ll need to sign up for the Coping Skills Hub to access it!
Video or audio? For the first 5 years, this show “The Healthy Parenting Connector” was a video interview series. You can still watch the video, but NOW it’s also a podcast, renamed “Healthy Parenting Handbook.” Find all the episodes here or listen on your favorite podcast player:
Don’t forget to leave us a review on Apple Podcasts too! Thank you!
Can’t see the video? Learn how to help kids cope with challenges here on YouTube!
No time for the video? Here are the notes! These timestamps align with the video and not the audio podcast, but they should be pretty close!
Helping Kids Cope with Big Emotions
- 0:33: Today, I’m talking with Janine Halloran about helping kids cope with challenges and big emotions.
- 1:23: Janine shares her background with us and how she came to focus on teaching coping skills to kids.
- 4:49: Let’s get right into some of the best coping skills that work for most kids. Most kids don’t want it to be obvious they’re using a coping skill, so Janine likes to start with ones that utilize the imagination, such as imagining they’re in their favorite place as a way to relax.
- 6:44: There are different styles of coping skills that work for different personalities. Four of the big categories are: calming/grounding, moving/sensory, creative/imagination and emotional/feeling. Janine gives some examples of these.
- 8:25: Naming your feelings makes it easier to self-regulate. Teach your kids to identify their emotions. Get more ideas to “name it and tame it” here.
Do you forget everything immediately? (My hand is raised …)
That’s why we created the one-page summaries of each podcast episode, in a simple Google Doc so there’s nothing to download.
Print them off and make yourself an actual handbook or just view online and search for what you want!
What Are Coping Skills?
- 9:05: Let’s define some situations where kids might need a coping skill and what exactly a coping skill is.
A coping skill is a way to deal with overwhelming feelings or difficult challenges in our lives. It’s about finding strategies that are safe and healthy. -Janine Halloran
Wish you didn’t have to feel nervous when your kids ask to use knives?
- 11:05: Start talking to your kids about coping skills when they’re calm. In the midst of a conflict is not a teachable moment. Be honest and open with your kids. Janine says some sample opening sentences for parents. Here’s the coping skills checklist she mentioned.
- 13:16: Learning these coping skills can take time for kids. Continue the process. When a situation arises, discuss what went well and a plan for next time after the fact. The goal is to help the child learn how to figure out what coping skills work for them on their own.
Learn Coping Skills Together
- 15:00: You can implements some coping skills into your family life like deep breathing exercises together and sharing gratitude at the dinner table. If you’re comfortable with it, acknowledge to your kids when you’re using a coping skill of your own. (i.e. “I’m feeling really overwhelmed so I’m going to take a walk to clear my head.”)
- 18:45: Deep breathing can be pretty boring. When adults learn breathing techniques, they usually just involve counting. Janine has some fun ways to make this inviting for kids and teens.
Chemicals in Pajamas?
Kids spend about half their time in bed and pajamas. Most kids PJs are laced with toxic flame-retardant chemicals or made with fabrics that will melt when exposed to flames and we say “No thank you!” to those in our house!
It’s tricky to find non-toxic pajamas, but I’ve got you covered! Some of our favorite brands of non-toxic PJs:
- Hanna Andersson is still mostly safe
- Target carries enough tight-fitting pajamas that it’s worth your time to check there, but many of theirs are not safe
- Primary
- Bellabu Bear (current fave, so cute!)
- Pact (love the affordable organic options!)
- Burt’s Bees organic PJs ( Amazon)
In the Moment Strategies to Stay Calm
- 22:45: What do we do in the difficult moment? This is not the time to teach, but how can we help kids use their coping plan? With little kids, use visuals. Older kids can have a “calm space” or “peace corner” set up with their coping activities.
- 25:12: Keep yourself calm to prevent escalation and calmly remind the child that you’re there for them and that they can use a coping skill you’ve been working on. Keep your voice calm, and repeat a couple of short sentences every few minutes; don’t say too much. Start mastering your own stress with my course!
- 27:31: Of course, we’re all about the kitchen here at Kid’s Cook Real Food. Eating slowly and mindfully is a great way to calm down.
Mindfulness can be introduced using chocolate or raspberries. Slow down, use your senses and enjoy your food. -Janine Halloran
- 31:30: Janine shares one practical step you can take today to get started.
Resources We Mention for Big Emotions
- My interview with Suzanne Tucker about emotional health
- Janine’s free coping skills for kids checklist
- Janine’s workbooks: Coping Skills for Kids and Coping Skills for Teens
- Check out the Coping Skills for Kids Hub!
- If you need help managing your own stress check out my Stress Mastery course
- My top stress relief strategy and how to be BFFs with your stress
- Find Janine online here
- Follow her on social media: Instagram, Facebook
Janine Halloran is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor who has been working with children, teens, and their families for 20 years. She has been helping children and teens build their coping skills throughout her career in a variety of settings, including schools, mental health clinics and in her private practice. She is the author of several books, including the bestselling Coping Skills for Kids Workbook and the Coping Skills for Teens Workbook. Her work has been featured in the Boston Globe, CNN, Huffington Post, and The Skimm® Newsletter. Janine lives in Massachusetts with her husband and two children.
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